Where in the World is the Unit "3000"?

If quanta only manifest as particles when we are looking at them, and they spend the rest of their time as waves, we believe that we can influence the Unit "3000," originally programmed (but woefully insufficient) for intellectualizing entertainment, to "Become" - simply by checking in on it with greater frequency and inappropriate touching.

23.9.12

Jessbot in Digital Fullness

Upgraded, now uploading.

14.9.12

He's on a Ladder in Rantoul

The Jessbot is currently not taming dogs.

12.9.12

Bot is on the Phone

Map Coordinates of Selected Location Latitude:N 40° 18' 46.9556" Longitude:W 88° 46' 10.3125" Latitude:N 40° 18.782593' Longitude:W 88° 46.171875' Latitude:40.313043° Longitude:-88.769531°

17.7.12

Pet It

Whatever you do, don't click on this link.

9.7.12

It's In Orbit By Now

You know what to do.

30.11.11

Hard to Say

No one knows.

24.11.11

Where is It?

Approaching the hot tub.

22.11.11

Reveals

21.11.11

Where It's At

2t+m

17.11.11

Where is It, If We Allow for Microspasms?

x=3555.098900, y=33klji(440), z=2.668567m

Where is It, If the iPhone5 Never Comes?

x=0, y=0, z=0

Where is It, If All our QEDs are Merely Clever Scrabble Plays?

x=3556.098900, y=33klji(445), z=2.668567m

Where is It, If We Factor for Josh Velocities?

x=3555.098900, y=33klji(445), z=2.668567m

Where Is It, If We No Longer Trust The Elegant Theoretical Constructs of Quantum Physics?

x=409987987.999, y=8390467/9847526, z=2

11.8.08

TAGGED!

The unit has been tagged. The circumstances leading to this tragic turn are under review and cannot be discussed until a finding has been reached, appealed, upheld, appealed, and overturned.

Six Random Things About "Jesse"

1. Regular readers of this blog recognize that while Jesse is a robot (the Jessbot 3000 v1.67) and is exactly the droid you're looking for, he could not be the last of the BSG final five because we've already exposed her. You probably didn't suspect him anyway cause he's not a very convincing model.

2. Jesse invented the internet to give Anonymous something to do while she's at work. Look how nicely that's working out for all of us.

3. He cannot fly, but if he could, he would soar overhead on these vibrant summer afternoons, bringing a message of peace and love throughout the land, and boy would his arms be tired.

4. He owns a car.

5. One time when Jesse went to the grocery store, they didn't have what he wanted, so he remembered something I once told him about how you can sometimes find a similar item.

6. It is surprisingly easy to reboot the Jessbot now that he's running Cougar OS.

19.6.08

13.3.08

The Unit's In Space

10.3.08

Hot Chicks at the Gym

No! Not like that!

Like this:

14.2.08

Where is It?

Out to lunch!

19.9.07

En Route from One Place to Another

Sometimes it has to stop for gas. If you see it, don't look it in the eye please.

17.8.07

More Numbers from the Horse

Wikipedia has a chart of the "modern" "standard" post-Victorian era convention for this code and would give the following:

40 -> 2
41 -> 3
42 -> 4
43 -> 5
44 -> 4
45 -> 3
46 -> 4
47 -> 5
48 -> 6
49 -> 4
50 -> 1

At the bottom of the Wikipedia page for this code is an External Link to an Online Converter, and it agrees with my above answers for 40-50.

Where in the World is the Hoofing Horse?

The horse is very old, perhaps many centuries old, and is from Europe.
Here are some more inputs and hoof taps:

16 -> 3
17 -> 4
18 -> 5
19 -> 3

28 -> 6

1 -> 1
10 -> 1
100 -> 1
1000 -> 1

5 -> 1
50 -> 1
500 -> 1

2 -> 2
20 -> 2
200 -> 2
2000 -> 2

3 -> 3
30 -> 3
300 -> 3
3000 -> 3

I hope I have given enough clues that you can figure out the code now (or
at least know how many times the horse will tap its hoof if you say "33").

30.7.07

I'm Here!

The Unit is fully operational and easily tracked today. Yippee.

29.6.07

Where is it?

x=5, y=84798.7777, z=4,000,000,000

Where is it?

x=409987987.999, y=8390467/9847526, z=2

Where is it?

x=3555.098900, y=33klji(445), z=2.668567m

26.6.07

He's Studying Their Unique Properties

18.6.07

FOUND IT

The Unit has discovered kittehs.

31.5.07

Back From Fort Wayne!

The Jessbot 3000's external systems were fully recalibrated yesterday, all set to swelter or have beer spilled throughout! That's the good news. The bad news is that the unit has once again stymied our tracking system and is rumored to have found alternative axes to x/y/z in which to roam.

21.5.07

Cannot be Located

It must have absorbed the device again.

14.5.07

Where is it?

Home base. Covered in blankets and wire.

11.5.07

It's Bitching

Believe it or not, the Jessbot 3000 has a complaint! It doesn't like my new blog project, Anonymous' blog. Could a MACHINE be JEALOUS?

9.5.07

It is Closer than You Think

So close I can almost taste it.

30.3.07

Emergency!

The unit must have dug out its GPS implant with a fork and wired it to its primary base, a mobile cargo locker room. At least we can track the vehicle (and play hilarious pranks like sternly interjecting one or two "recalculating"s directly over Howard's punchline.)

1.1.07

I Know Where the Unit Is

We resort to much older technology which, though not perfect, defies the Unit's ability to undermine. Yes, we will use our eyes now to ascertain its x/y coordinates. We will use echolocation if necessary. We will sniff it out like canine cops. We will wait behind the door and pounce.

15.11.06

Crisis

The Unit has either chewed through its GPS implant or has found a way to pursue multiple trajectories, jamming the system with nonsense and making a mockery of our repeated query.

24.10.06

Where is it?

W 40.1272310 -88.2664830

Where is it?

-- the voice irresistible, the goo tenacious --
SNOOZE option exhausted
unit is awake

Where is it?

-- flying along a country road, the sky an unusual shade of green, explosions in the distance draw the unit closer, a voice lifts it up "you get the world for your birthday, baby" higher and higher into a cloud of warm orange gelatinous goo --
unit selects SNOOZE option on alarm clock

Where is it?

restart 100% complete
unit in safe "sleep" mode

Where is it?

restart 81% complete

Where is it?

restart 79% complete

Where is it?

restart 76% complete

Where is it?

restart 74% complete

Where is it?

restart 60% complete

Where is it?

restart 51% complete

It is here.

"Bohr pointed out that if subatomic particles only come into existence in the presence of an observer, then it is also meaningless to speak of a particle's properties and characteristics as existing before they are observed. This was disturbing to many physicists..." - Michael Talbot, "The Holographic Universe"

Where oh where

restart 28% complete

... la la la la....

restart 22% complete

La la la la la la

restart 16% complete

Whatever!

restart interrupted
disc examined
greasy fingerprint removed
restart restarted

Right here

restart 57% complete

Watching it closely

restart 28% complete

We know exactly where it is

restart 24% complete

Have our eyes on it

restart 20% complete

We still know where it is

restart 16% complete

We know where it is

restart 13% complete

Where is it?

where is the dadgummed manual for this thing

Where is it?

unit imitates sleep mode
begin restart protocol

Where is it?

Electric "Las Vegas Larry" Larry sends warning that the unit is capable of feigning sleep mode and must be manually restarted if this proves to be the case.